In early morning news today: The mysterious appearance of a fast-growing and ominous object is baffling law enforcement officials and scientists alike.
"We don't know what it is," said an anonymous official from the Fiber Bureau of Investigation, "but it's growing at an alarming rate of speed and we are very concerned. We have our top scientists working on the problem at this time. We've never seen anything like it, and we're not sure what to make of it."
The head of the Craft Investigation Agency, rarely seen to appear at a press conference, gave this statement:
At this time, we have our top agents working on this worrying development. It appears to be red, wool and silk, and growing very quickly. There are concerns that it could continue to grow, to spread, and we are very worried about the repercussions. This is no little thing, it's big and growing faster than we can measure it. With blocking, it could increase even faster in size - there's no telling where it will stop.
Authorities have been on the lookout for a mystery suspect, known only as Y. Teague, who may be involved somehow in the spread of the creature, which a scientist (who declined to be named) is calling a "liesl" for reasons unknown to us at this time. The same scientist pointed out that it appeared to be sprouting arms or appendages of some kind, at a speed almost unheard of in the area of Brooklyn where it was found.
"We'd like every concerned citizen to be on the lookout for further incidents of this type of rapid, maniacal growth, which may be the first sign of a serious proliferation of these so-called 'liesls'," said an official from the Department of Woolland Security. "It indicates to us that there may be a movement afoot, one of grave concern to us here at home, and also to our allies abroad. There is evidence that a group, known to us as 'Ravelry', may be spreading these around the world. The people of this nation should remain alert, on guard at all times, and report any sightings of these and similar suspicious objects to the authorities."
Officials from all of the agencies involved in the investigation have released this photo to help galvanize public awareness of the situation:
The head of the Fiber Emergency Management Authority has also said that they are working on the situation, but that progress has been slow.
And to update yesterday's story about a possible abduction - it seems that the search for Cassie Toomuchwool has been suspended, as all local and federal authorities are at present involved in the search for more mysterious outbreaks of 'liesls'. Her family and friends are outraged, and remain concerned about her well-being and whereabouts.
Stay tuned to W-ULL for further updates on this important story.
okay, NOW I get it! And I'm happy to say I went to ravelry and GOT it, as well. This will make the perfect little summer sweater!
Perhaps Ms. Tmw has disappeared because she has become "unraveled" by the sudden and spontaneous appearance of easy sleevage?
Posted by: martha in mobile | 02 July 2008 at 06:34 AM
W-ULL. Heh.
Posted by: DebbieB | 02 July 2008 at 07:08 AM
W-ULL. Heh.
Posted by: DebbieB | 02 July 2008 at 07:08 AM
Ah! Red, as in July 1st in Canada...and gorgeous!
Posted by: Carmen | 02 July 2008 at 07:50 AM
W-ULL, heh. And I thought it was liesl yesterday but kept my mouth shut. It looks awesome. ;)
Posted by: jess | 02 July 2008 at 09:26 AM
Wait, Fiber Bureau of Investigation?? I KNEW IT--there really ARE Knitting Police!!
Posted by: Divine Bird Jenny | 02 July 2008 at 09:57 AM
Ver-r-r-y interesting!
Posted by: Abby | 02 July 2008 at 10:57 AM
You're out of your head, but your sweater is beautiful. And FAST! Wow.
Posted by: regina | 02 July 2008 at 11:35 AM
I'm worried about having shoulders.
But that red, she is so lovely...
(Okay, so the alternative to having shoulders is rather scary, but still...)
Posted by: Lee Ann | 02 July 2008 at 12:10 PM
First time commenting, but just had to break the silence on this one. Absolutely hysterical. I have sat here at my computer and laughed out loud! I do hope Ms Toomuchwool is safe, and await further reports on the sightings.
Posted by: Becky | 02 July 2008 at 12:34 PM
I always knew you'd be eaten by your stash
Posted by: Juno | 02 July 2008 at 01:10 PM
Sad to see a good law enforcement agency so easily fooled by a red (ha) herring. There they go haring off after their mystery "Teague" suspect and copycat crimes when all the time the real culprit is staring them in the face. To those of us who understand such things it is obvious that Ms. Toomuchwool has a wicked sleeve-loving other-dimension alter ego named Ms. Toomuchsilk, and that this dangerous personality is currently in the ascendant, may indeed have merged with, or even subsumed, the mild-mannered Ms. TMW.
Alas, poor TMW; we will miss her.
On the other hand, I have to admit... Ms. TMS is turning out some VERY pretty knitting.
Posted by: Tsarina of Tsocks | 02 July 2008 at 01:40 PM
I knew there was trouble brewing as soon as I saw sleeves were involved.
Posted by: cari | 02 July 2008 at 06:07 PM
Veddy interesting! A perplexing mystery. However, it is my belief that Ms. Toomuchwool is in the thrall of a fiber addiction related self abduction. My conclusion is that she will soon safely cast off this obsession and return to us unharmed.
Posted by: Jenny in Jersey | 02 July 2008 at 06:14 PM
*This* is what happens when Lene is away?!
Posted by: Sylvia | 02 July 2008 at 09:40 PM
Wow you are fast! I was able to resist the urge to cast on for this since I have way too many projects on the needles that need to get done. Your color looks fab!
Posted by: Oiyi | 02 July 2008 at 11:13 PM
Too funny and the sweater is so cute.
Posted by: Wanda | 04 July 2008 at 01:04 AM
Don't hurt yourself.
:)
Posted by: claudia | 04 July 2008 at 03:32 PM
was wondering where you were! obsession with knitting this week...yes I fully understand. You will surface again when this is done I bet!
and then back to hand appliqueing maybe?
Kathie
Posted by: kathie | 05 July 2008 at 07:23 AM